Closure
by mkim57
Summary: OR This 'thing' between us. A fic written after the Season 10 finale spoilers and previews came out.


Closure

Or

This Thing Between Us

Chapter 1/1

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: This story is based on all the speculation posted on any spoiler board and some from magazine and newspaper articles about the season finale.

Rating K+

0900

Friday

April 29th

Jag Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm and Mac stood at ease facing General Creswell in his office. They had both just received their orders for their respective duty stations. The silence in the Generals office could have been cut with a knife. When they were dismissed Harm followed Mac out of the general's office and before she reached her office he touched her arm lightly and she turned toward him. "We need to talk about this" he had said.

"I don't want to talk about it now" Her face was unreadable and she turned immediately toward her office and closed the door.

As Harm watched her he thought to himself that he couldn't stand to see another door closed in his face, figuratively or literally. Feeling that he already knew what the conversation would be, he just wanted to get it over with. He had pushed her away, and when he wasn't pushing her away, she seemed to be avoiding him entirely. Things seemed different after her accident on Christmas Eve, but their closeness slipped away as quickly as it had come. He shook his head, it was getting be such a joke.

They both spent most of the day in their offices getting their cases in order and neither officer even came out for lunch. They were still avoiding each other consciously or subconsciously.

Mac pushed herself back from her desk. Standing, she turned to look out the window and started to stretch. She stopped short when she saw Harm getting into his vehicle. He stopped and looked up toward her office window just before he got inside. He could not have seen her from that angle but she knew he was looking for her at that window. It was an effort to keep herself from calling out to him. She then realized it was after 1800. She looked through the blinds out to the bullpen and noticed that nearly everyone had gone for the day.

Mac realized then that he had been waiting for her and she hadn't even allowed herself to think of anything but clearing her desk and getting ready for her new command. It was time, passed the time, that they had some kind of closure in this 'thing' with them. She turned around and began to clear her desk and turned off her computer. They both had to be in on Monday and then after that…she didn't even want to think about after that. He was going to London, half a world away. What kind of possibilities did that leave them? They had barely spoken lately, it was clear he did not trust her enough to bring her into his confidences. Yet she knew, deep down in her heart, that he was as much a part of who she was as the uniform she wore. What would she be, or what would she do, without him?

Mac hurried home to shower and change. She had tried to get Harm on his cell but she had only gotten his voice mail. She was starting to panic, what if he left for the weekend? He couldn't do that, he still had to pack and get things ready to close up his apartment she reasoned. What if he'd given up? What if she never saw him again? This was crazy, she thought, trying to calm herself and focus on what she intended to do. He was here, somewhere. She would find him if it took all night.

Harm getting ready to take the exit off of the Beltway to his home when he decided at the last minute that he could not go home without talking to Mac. The thought of being in his apartment, trying to even begin to pack up his life without having resolved anything with Mac was just too much. No matter the outcome, even if it hurt to hear, he had to know if they were ever going to have a future. He was almost glad the transfers had forced their hands; they would have to acknowledge this 'thing' between them and get some kind of closure after all. The holding pattern their personal lives had taken on had isolated them from each other even more than before, if that was possible. He turned off at the Georgetown exit and made his way toward Mac's apartment.

Mac had showered quickly and dressed in her favorite jeans and t-shirt. She started for the door when she stopped and turned to look at her bedroom. Maybe she should wear something different. She turned back toward the door again. What was she doing? This wasn't a seduction; they needed to talk, seriously, about their future once and for all. No distractions, no phones ringing, significant others or commanding officers to disapprove. This was it. She reached for the door knob…and then turned back to her bedroom to change her clothes. In less than 5 minutes she came back still wearing her jeans but had changed into a very soft cotton sweater in the warmest shade of coral. She wore a single sparkling diamond on a chain around her neck. A gift she had given herself. She wore a soft scent called 'Blue.' She smiled in spite of herself when she thought of how ridiculous this must seem. Harm might very well slam the door in her face and on some level she wouldn't have blamed him. She decided as she reached the door that she wouldn't think about that now.

The door bell rang, startling her. She looked through the security lens. Harm. He had brought dinner. Oh God, that hurt to even think about. No more impromptu dinners just she and Harm. She opened the door and he looked at her warily.

"Thought you might like some dinner."

"What did you bring?" She smiled at him, hoping to put him at ease. She knew but she just wanted to keep the conversation off of the real reason he was here. Could they actually be on the same wavelength for once?

"I went to the Japanese place just down from here. Is that okay?"

"Sure, take it into the kitchen. I'll get some plates."

As she began to fill both of their plates she looked over at Harm who seemed to be studying her intently. "Is this okay?" She asked, feeling a bit self conscious.

"Oh…sure. I'll get our drinks." Realizing he had been staring; he turned and opened the refrigerator and asked what she wanted.

"Water will be fine. Go have a seat and I'll be right there." A few moments later she brought in silverware and two glasses with ice and placed them in front of Harm and in front of her seat. She glanced up at Harm and smiled as she left the room.

Harm sat waiting for her to bring their dinner. He placed his elbows on the table and folded his hands, resting his forehead on them trying to clear his head for a moment. He wanted to get this right. It might be the last chance he would have. She had been doing a pretty good job of distracting him as soon as he walked into the apartment. The scent she was wearing had a light and clean smell that made him want to follow her where ever she was going. He hadn't seen her in civvies since she came to see him at the hospital when Mattie had been hurt. She had looked almost as tired as he had that night, with her hair pulled back from her face in a ponytail.

Tonight her hair looked so soft, down around her shoulders that his fingers itched to touch it. Where was all this coming from? He came to get things settled, to say once and for all how he felt about everything. He had felt equally ready to begin a relationship or not, he had just wanted to go forward one way or the other. Now he just wanted to touch her once, to show her how much he wanted her, how much he loved her. He knew now that he wasn't leaving here tonight without doing just that.

Mac walked into the room and placed a plate in front of Harm and at her place at the table. As she turned to walk back to the kitchen for napkins, Harm turned his head and within a split second reached out to stop her. He looked up at Mac and then reached for her arm and guided her to him. Their eyes were locked; Harm's with a look that both demanded and pleaded, Mac's eyes were filled with surprise and expectation. He began to stand and Mac's eyes remained on his, waiting.

He lowered his head to taste her lips. Mac's eyes closed slightly. "Harm." She breathed his name, making his heart speed up and the need to take her in his arms that much greater.

What began as a taste became a connection that he had never felt in his life. The kiss they shared on the admirals porch had been stolen, a goodbye, or at least it had begun that way. This was different and suddenly the possibilities were endless. He deepened the kiss but couldn't seem to get deep enough. Her hands went to the hair at the nape of his neck pulling him in as far as he wanted to go. Pulling her body flush with his, he seemed to want to memorize the feel of her against him. His hands skimmed down her back to her bottom and he pulled her up and into him. Harm was making it very clear what she was making him feel. A distant bell in the back of his mind told him that he should stop; loving Mac was not just about sex, he loved her. He wanted more with her. He knew she might not feel as deeply as he did, but he wouldn't be used, this was not going be a good bye fling.

Mac hadn't been able to think at all. His passion had seemed overpowering and she reveled in it. She had been longing to see this side of him for years and now here it was. He wanted her, he needed her and he was finally showing her. She felt Harms grip begin to loosen and her heart sank. 'Oh God no, don't let him backpedal now. It can't end like this; he can't call this a mistake.' She didn't think she could stand it if he did that.

Harm broke the kiss and he looked into her eyes with a look that Mac saw as regret.

"Don't you do it Harm…Don't" Her eyes welled with tears and she started to turn away then pushing aside any fear she had of baring her heart; she continued. Mac knew it was now or never. She couldn't be hurt anymore than she already had been. This was it.

"I love you. I'm not letting you walk away without knowing that. You have to know that what ever happens, what ever you decide about us, it won't be because you didn't know. I love you."

She looked almost defiant. As though she were challenging him to love her back.

For his part Harm couldn't believe what he was hearing, his brow furrowed into a frown.

He couldn't have heard her correctly. He had been ready for a sharp remark for his impulsiveness, but not for the unguarded emotion he saw in her face.

"You…" in a softer voice he said. "Love me." It was not a question, it was a statement.

"Yes" Mac's hands reached up to touch his face much as they had the first time she had nearly kissed him all those years ago. Now her touch was light but firm, pulling him in closer so that he could almost feel her lips on his before she kissed him. Maybe it had begun back then, that attraction he had for her that drew him like a magnet, he did not know. All he knew now was that he could feel nine years of restraint and misunderstandings fall away and…she loved him.

"Mac" he drew her body closer to his and kissed her, pressing his hand low on her back. Mac made that sound in the back of her throat that Harm had only heard in his dreams. He turned his head slightly deepening his kiss, lifting her up and into his arms. He had to tell her, before he was lost completely that she was not alone, he loved her too. This felt so right, so heatedly perfect that he couldn't stand to end the kiss. It had him, body and soul. He finally broke the kiss but kept her close to him. In her ear he said. "I love you, Mac"

They pulled back from their embrace and the look in their eyes went from love to wonder to full blown desire. The gates that locked their hearts away flew open and they discovered that the closure that they needed on 'this thing' between them…was love.

FIN

A/N: This has not been betaed. So any mistakes are definitely mine. I need to get back to my other story but his would not leave me alone…since I cant think of anything else since the spoilers came out about the finale….we'll see…sigh.

Thanks for reading


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